An untitled piece ...

photo by Saddi Khali of www.saddikhaliphoto.com

 

My next collection may be focused on intimate relationships ... seems to be what I write lately ...

 

i love hard

i’m that “til the end of time” chick

“always got your back” chick

believing

even when you forgot

cheerleader, comforter, confidant

a mirror reflecting all that you are

reminder of who you desire to be

faithful

the truth, plain and simple

 

but loving hard can be a double edged sword

my biggest fault

my greatest reward

i’ve cut myself

placing others in front

shielding my light

hindering my flight

 

balance is the key

loving you while loving me

knowing above all

that love never fails

I Dream Again

Sunset @ Myrtle Beach by Shahmet Gordon

I posted a status on FaceBook last week that said the following:
"It just hit me ... I'm not angry anymore ... I'ma see if I can write on that ..."

When asked what I was angry about, I followed up with this:
"once I let it go, I realized I was on a low simmer for years ... some of it was directed outward toward someone who will remain nameless, worse some was directed toward myself ... holding it for so long was not productive & left me in a victim state rather than the victorious state which I am in now ..."

With  Estelle's latest song, "Thank You", playing as my background music, I was able to elaborate on my initial thought ... 

I Dream Again

I tried to build a reality,

a whole life,

on a false belief.

But my love cannot conquer all.

Some things can’t be seen while in the midst.

Like how I never knew the anxiety I lived with

until I provided myself with peace.

I didn’t realize how angry I was

until it vanished.

I dwelled within a box

determined not to repeat mistakes of the past.

Claiming that all was good

while I cried alone in the dark.

Holding no expectations

enforcing no boundaries

not trusting my own judgment.

No longer on slow simmer

burning myself with rage

I feel re-born.

I dream again.

Childhood’s fairytale of being taken care of

in the mansion on the hill with the tennis court,

pool and streams gliding through the premises,

morphed into teen-aged visions of independence and

getting rich at one of the “Big 10” firms,

which transformed to young adult sights of

children, nation building and saving the world.

Now, I dream again.

Grown woman dreams

of passion

of joy

of sharing

of choice

of desire

of dancing

of smiling

of laughing

of companionship

of traveling

of intimacy

of life

of reciprocity

of purpose

of soul mates

of rest

of intensity

of strong arms

of satisfaction

of completion

of truth

of respect

of acceptance

of understanding

of growing old together

of comfort.

I dream again

of the love that never fails.

Welcome to 2012!

I wish you all a healthy and prosperous new year. Many people look forward to the new year because it represents a new beginning, another chance. No matter what the old year brought, there is hope that the new one will be better. I know that some things never change but that is only for those who choose not to see a different way. I believed that 2011 was going to be a great year and it was. There were some hard times but that's a part of life. I ended in a better place financially, physically, spiritually and (I would like to think) emotionally. I believe that 2012 will also be a great year and I look forward to what may come for all of us!

Merry Christmas!

Wishing you and your family the most wonderful day filled with love and peace!

THE BEST GIFTS
By Joseph J. Mazzella


I had yet another birthday recently. It is strange how they keep popping
up year after year. They must come from the same place as the grey hairs
and wrinkles, because each year I seem to have more of them too. Still, as
my body gets older and older my soul seems to get younger and younger, so
I don’t mind celebrating a birthday now and then.

For some reason this one seemed especially good. It may have been the
chocolate cake and chocolate chip ice cream that made both my face and my
stomach smile. It may have been the good natured teasing and hugs I got.
It may have been seeing that childlike sparkle in my grown children’s eyes
when they gave me my gifts. It may have even been the thoughtful gifts
themselves picked out with such care. I think most of all, though, it was
the gifts behind the gifts that filled my day with so much joy. You see,
each gift was filled with the love of the person who gave it. Each gift
was a package of love delivered from their heart to mine and each gift
made my own love burn brighter.

The more birthdays I celebrate in this life, the more I see that love is
really the only thing that matters. The parties you have, presents you
get, or years you age aren’t important. All that counts is how much love
you choose, share, and give in this world, because love itself is the
greatest gift there is.

God in His loving wisdom has given each of us the two best gifts we can
ever get: a life to live and the love to live it with. Let’s not waste
them. Let’s not put them on a shelf and ignore them. Let’s use them
instead. Let’s fill each of our birthdays and all the days in between with
loving others, helping others, giving to others, teaching others, and
sharing joy with others. Let’s truly enjoy these gifts God gives us from
our first breath until our last sigh.

Unexpected Perks

I am having surgery a few days before Christmas and when people hear that, the first reaction is usually something like, "Oh, that's too bad; you will be laid up for the holidays!"

But, me, being me, always looking for the positive (even as I worry), I have found some perks in this situation. Aside from the obvious (the promise of being in better health and less physical discomfort), am happy with or looking forward to the following:

1. This is the first time ever that I have completed my Christmas shopping by, what's today? Oh yeah, December 10th!!!!!

2. Because I don't want to return to a mess at work, I am taking the time (which I somehow could never find in the past) to clear out the clutter in my office.

3. I will have a legitimate excuse to partake of my favorite activity for a couple of weeks ... SLEEP!

4. No work until sometime after the new year.

5. I get to go shopping for new things ... ok, so it's post-op stuff like meds and comfy clothes but I'm still excited.

6. People are so darn nice to me right now.

I'm sure if I dig deeper, I can think of some more but I'll stop here for now. Suffice it to say, I am eagerly awaiting the forced vacation since I probably need one and would not have taken one otherwise.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I wish you all a safe and peaceful holiday! I am thankful for everyone who takes a moment to read my words and for all the support you have shown me.

Be blessed!

Shahmet

Missions

Earlier this week, my sister in Christ, Kim Cash Tate, posted a message in which she mentioned that the Lord gave her a mission by way of a particular scripture. I thought, "Oh wow, maybe I should find a scripture that encapsulates my mission".  This seemed like something I should pray about that could help me focus on my purpose. But when I opened my bible, I was immediately reminded that I do have a scripture, that I was using it to guide me in my ministry, yet somewhere along the way, I let it go. Over the past few years I allowed circumstances and events to pull me off course. I have sort of been floundering, trying to figure out which direction I should go, when I already knew. I started thinking I was in-capable of continuing the work I was doing because my situation changed. In reality, my experiences only enhance my testimony and give me a deeper understanding of where I can reach others as I help them learn to empower and advocate for themselves and their families.

I am thankful for sisters like Kim and others who encourage me but also redirect me when I am veering in the wrong direction. They embody the scripture that motivates me to do the work I was called to do:

Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives. We don't want anyone looking down on God's Message because of their behavior. Titus 2:3-5 (The Message)

What motivates you to do the work you do?