#shah100dayshappy

Photograph by Shahmet Gordon

I am currently engaged in a challenge that asks if I can be happy for 100 days in a row. Every day I post a picture on Facebook that represents something or someone that brought me joy. The real challenge for me is not in finding a happy moment but in limiting myself to posting just one thing. I'm pretty random and tend to find glee in most situations. (I'm not walking around singing and laughing all day long, but I do dance quite frequently!)

Generally, I post a picture with a sentence or two describing my thoughts. Occasionally I am more introspective. Such was the case on Tuesday when I posted the above picture with the following commentary:

Today's happyness is brought to me by the Holy Spirit through the gift of clarity. Today is the first day of my last class with University of Phoenix. I started college during the Fall 1985 semester. This has been a very, long journey to obtain a four year degree. 

Over the years I have often felt like a failure. When I started as an undergrad, my parents were paying my tuition. That was a gift everyone isn't blessed with and I squandered it. At different times, I tried to go back to school; I would start and then stop again. (It was very annoying to pay for something I didn't complete.) I would look at my peers or family members who had graduated and wonder why I couldn't just do what they did. Not everyone went to college straight from high school - some went to the military first, some went to school while married, some while parenting young children. But I just couldn't seem to get it together enough to follow through.

What I now understand is that there is a time for everything; my time is now. I didn't have the capability to juggle family, work, church, and school. That worked out pretty well for my daughter, as I was available when she needed me and she is currently in a good place. By being in school right now, I am providing a tangible example to my son regarding studying, setting priorities, and working toward goals. Also, he can see that a couple of F's do not define a person; you can always work harder and do better.

I feel as if my life is flowing in 20 year phases. The first 20, childhood and adolescence, was a time for growth and development. The next 20, young adulthood, was for marriage, children, and focus on the family. This 20 seem to be about self-improvement, career, and community. (I'm only a few years in, so I can't be totally sure.) God willing I see another phase or two. I don't know what they will bring, but I do know they will be exciting years.

Clarity. A Gift. To be able to look back and see that there was a purpose. To understand that I am where I should be, doing what I should be doing.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. (Ecclesiastes 3:11,12)

#shah100dayshappy #day12

30 for 30

Today is January 30, 2014 and it is the 30th consecutive day that I have exercised for a minimum of 30 minutes. Yay! Go me!

Quite some time ago (I'm feeling it’s been over two years, but I can't be sure), I joined a fitness group on FaceBook which is facilitated by the highly acclaimed filmmaker and activist, Byron Hurt. The description for B. Hurt "30 for 30" Fitness Challenge states, " ... this is a health and fitness support group. It is not a competition, nor is it a place to feel shamed for missing workouts or failing to work out for 30 minutes or more for 30 consecutive days. This is a space where we collectively share our workouts, our successes, our progress, our failures, difficulties, ups and downs, obstacles, and our pride in ourselves after working out for 30 days in a row." All of this is true!!!!!!!!

This is the first time I have actually made it to 30 days. I have a habit of starting hard and falling off. Sometimes I fall way, way, way off, for months on end, but I always start again.

Over the years, I have had a rocky relationship with my health, wellness and view of my body. I have set goals, revised them, and altogether scraped them. At times I have shared my vision with others, at times I kept it between God and myself. I have received advice, tried to fit other people’s regimens into my schedule, felt like I wasn't doing enough and gotten overwhelmed with it all. I have dropped weight & gained it back, multiple times. Right now, I am reflecting on “30 days” and feel like sharing, because you know, that’s how I do.

I started the year dancing at a party hosted by another member of the “30 for 30” group. On that day I decided I was going to move for at least 30 minutes every day this month. Whatever movement I chose, I knew it would be better than none at all. My goal is to be healthy. I have the rest of my life to achieve this, so there is no rush. I need to build a foundation of good habits and then build on it as I go along. So move I did. I dusted off my belly dance dvd collection and got to shimmying. After a while, I felt like venturing down to the gym and hit the elliptical machine or treadmill for a few days. Someone threw out a 24 day ab challenge, so I added crunches, leg lifts and planks to the mix. Some days I didn't feel like doing anything, but I pushed myself and jogged in place while watching TV. The point is, I moved. Most days I did the minimum of 30 minutes, sometimes I did more. In the future, I will probably add other forms of exercise & I will certainly get back to walking in the park or by the pier when the weather breaks.

So what changes have I seen this month? Well, my body is still fluffy, that hasn't changed too much yet (and I’m not really sure how much I want it to). I didn't weigh myself at the beginning of the year because I didn't feel like it. I did start getting on the scale on the 13th and in the last two weeks I lost two pounds. What’s more important is that I have made some changes in my eating habits - green smoothies every day for breakfast, more water, more salads, less processed foods, no lunches from Wendy’s, no Starbucks – that will benefit me in the long run. My time management skills are improving. If I want to make a green smoothie or be able to bring my lunch to work, I have to ensure I have all the items I need at home ahead of time. If I know I’m going to be out and about at night, I have to wake up early and get that 30 minutes in. This rolls over into other aspects of my life as well. That’s it for now, but that’s enough. I am a work in progress and I like what I see!

Tomorrow will be Day 31. Rest day before the new month? Nah; I’ll be meeting the BigCity R&B Line Dancers & getting my movement in. There’s room for one more if you want to join the fun!

Fluidity

My sister/mentor Hakikah Shamsiden of Shamsiden Coaching has proposed a One Word journey instead of New Year resolutions. “The concept behind One Word is to select a single word for the year and let it be one of your guiding principles.” (Please click the link above to read more on this exciting idea!)

I previously mentioned that I have a guiding scripture that shapes how I move in the world. Therefore, the concept of One Word resonates with me as I continue to mature and evolve. Through the years, I learned that when something just comes to me, it’s usually the Spirit prompting me & the wise action is to just go with it. As I read Hakikah’s post, the word fluidity jumped out at me; this is my word for the year. Fluidity can be defined as the property of flowing easily. It is a variation of fluid which, according to Merriam Webster, means having particles that easily move and change their relative position without a separation of the mass and that easily yield to pressure. I like that. Fluid usually describes objects that can change or adapt easily yet maintain their essence. It reminds me of water (ya'll know how much I love the water), flowing freely, not being deterred by obstacles – simply surrounding them or seeping through & continuing on the journey.

Fluidity – going with the flow – not getting all bent out of shape when things don’t proceed as I envisioned. Yeah, that hasn't always been me, but I am moving in that direction. Fluidity – rolling with what works for me & not getting bogged down with what “should” be. Fluidity – recognizing that maybe I am a little unconventional & not trying to twist into some other, more traditional, form. Fluidity – not being afraid to continually redefine myself. Fluidity - not passing judgment on those who happen to move differently through life than I do. Fluidity - knowing that one day I may not be able to hold my tongue when someone just can't stop themselves from invading my space on the bus and understanding that it will be alright. :-)

Yes, this year I will open myself up to all the possibilities, lessons, experiences that will come my way with fluidity. How about you? Would you like to join me in the One Word expedition?

A Breakthrough

I love when the Spirit connects the dots for me …

Yesterday, during morning prayer at Cornerstone Baptist Church, my heart was heavy for our youth. It grieves me to witness them dying – physically, spiritually. Over the weekend there was an incident in East Flatbush (the neighborhood I grew up in), which left a young man, Kimani Gray, dead. This is right on the heels of the anniversary of the slaying of Trayvon Martin, the death of Hadiyah Pendleton while she was seeking shelter from the rain, and just prior to the shooting of 6-month-old Jonylah Watkins when she was getting her diaper changed by her father. In addition, our young people deal with some challenges these days that we didn’t have to encounter until adulthood – it is taking a harsh toll on many of them. 

So we prayed. And then I felt like when we bring our concerns to the circle, yes, we have corporate prayer and God hears our cries, but we also plant seeds. At some point we will work together to find ways to address the issues that are on our hearts ... we pray, listen for the response and follow up with action.

But, I still felt as if there was something I should be doing, right now … something I should be doing to effect change in the lives of our young people (other than the two I birthed). Yet, I’m not … I’m not a teacher … I’m not a social worker … I don’t run a program that keeps youth off the streets or positions them for later life … I don’t mentor or facilitate workshops … I barely even engage children I don’t know personally … 

Yet, they are still weighing on me. Then, I was reminded of something that was spoken to me, nearly 20 years ago. I was told that God knows my heart, He knows what I want to do for the children and it will come to pass. At the time I was like, “What is she talking about? What do I want to do for the children?”

Here is where the good part comes. I was reminded of my ministry, formal and informal, which is to mothers.  Although I am still an ever-learning, work in progress, during my 24 years of parenting, I have experienced a few things, read a lot and conversed with many people. I’ve accumulated quite a bit of information which I readily share. Within the church, I have led a ministry to women with children. My online presence began and flourished in groups geared toward mothers such as Baby Center’s Parents of Color, MSN’s African American Moms Online and Café Mom’s Domestic Violence Survivors. 

That’s when it hit me that I am doing something to help the children. How? When mothers are physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially healthy, the children thrive. When mothers are safe, the children thrive. When mothers are engaged in joy-filled and productive relationships with fathers, the children thrive. 

What’s my point? While there is always more work to be done, don't discount the work that is already taking place. Everyone is not meant to have a worldwide platform, but what we do in our circle of influence has value. We must remember that there are numerous ways to accomplish a task, and we each have unique talents that equip us to achieve our goals. 

Be encouraged. Don’t grow weary of doing good. This world needs you. Even if you can’t see the fruits of your labor, know that they will develop. Remember that the work that God began in you will continue until completion.

Happy New Year! May you find joy and prosperity in the coming days.

Christmas Joy

On Saturday, while I was walking to the mall (yes, I said walk; I’ve been slacking on my exercise and have to get it in where I can!) – anyway, during that walk I had a revelation & started shouting in the street about how good God is. Now, if you know me, you know that’s not something I normally do in the street but I was so filled up that I couldn’t help myself. Let me explain.

I was thinking about a meme I recently saw which stated:

“It’s funny how someone who was just a stranger last year, can mean so much to you now. It’s terrible that someone who meant so much to you last year, can be just a stranger now. It’s amazing what a year can do.”

That led me to reflect on the saying that has been going around for years about how people come into your life for a reason, season or a lifetime and how we need to accept this & learn to recognize the blessings of each type of relationship.

This led me to think about a few people who I had known for a long time, but became crucial during the last few years – sometimes offering daily support as I struggled with life changes – pushing me to re-discover aspects of my personality that lay dormant – encouraging me step out of my comfort zone – yet today, they are no longer a part of my life. These are some reason or season people. I was feeling a kind of way about that until I realized that they helped me usher in this current season of peace & healing. 

That’s when I accepted the fact that I am healed. I’ve had an inkling for the last few months because I just don’t feel stressed any more. It’s been a while since I’ve had a “moment” where my emotions overcame me. However, I wasn’t sure until that instant. It was also then that I noticed the song below was pumping through my ear buds from Pandora. I love confirmation!

Allow me to recap my last few years. I know everybody goes through stuff and mine is pretty regular in the scheme of things, but it really had me feeling troubled, sometimes downright depressed. While the last four years have included many great moments and memories, they have also been filled with loss. In 2009, I got divorced after 20 years of marriage. Some have likened the trauma of divorce, regardless of the circumstances, to that of death and I can see the truth in this – a death of dreams, hopes, expectations, etc.  In 2010, after a sudden illness followed by months of hospitalization, my mother passed away. During that time, I also had to find a new home to live in, which was my second un-expected move in two years. Last year brought the transition of another close family member. Then just before Christmas, I had a hysterectomy. Although I had no plans for bearing more children, I did mourn the loss of my womb – I mean, we had been together all my life, you know.

So, that’s where I was and, over time, I came to be where I am now. Healed. This season reminds us that God is with us. Always. And that is such a good news that I couldn’t help but shout about it. There will always be something going on. This world has seen so much destruction from man & nature; there is pain all around us. Sometimes it is difficult to bear. But we are not alone. We are never alone. Even in our darkest moments, we must hold on to the truth that it will pass. Our relationships are so integral to our wellbeing that we can’t take any of them for granted – the reasons, seasons & lifetimes all have a purpose. 

Today, I am grateful for the relationships I have been blessed to experience – past & present – those that ended, those that are hibernating, & those that are blossoming – I count it all joy. Today, I am filled with peace & I wish that to you and your loved ones. 

Merry Christmas!

Wishing you a joyful day of peace & good heath. May you take time to reflect on what is important to you and spend time doing what brings you pleasure.