Sunset @ Myrtle Beach by Shahmet Gordon
I posted a status on FaceBook last week that said the following:
"It just hit me ... I'm not angry anymore ... I'ma see if I can write on that ..."
When asked what I was angry about, I followed up with this:
"once I let it go, I realized I was on a low simmer for years ... some of it was directed outward toward someone who will remain nameless, worse some was directed toward myself ... holding it for so long was not productive & left me in a victim state rather than the victorious state which I am in now ..."
With Estelle's latest song, "Thank You", playing as my background music, I was able to elaborate on my initial thought ...
I Dream Again
I tried to build a reality,
a whole life,
on a false belief.
But my love cannot conquer all.
Some things can’t be seen while in the midst.
Like how I never knew the anxiety I lived with
until I provided myself with peace.
I didn’t realize how angry I was
until it vanished.
I dwelled within a box
determined not to repeat mistakes of the past.
Claiming that all was good
while I cried alone in the dark.
Holding no expectations
enforcing no boundaries
not trusting my own judgment.
No longer on slow simmer
burning myself with rage
I feel re-born.
I dream again.
Childhood’s fairytale of being taken care of
in the mansion on the hill with the tennis court,
pool and streams gliding through the premises,
morphed into teen-aged visions of independence and
getting rich at one of the “Big 10” firms,
which transformed to young adult sights of
children, nation building and saving the world.
Now, I dream again.
Grown woman dreams
of passion
of joy
of sharing
of choice
of desire
of dancing
of smiling
of laughing
of companionship
of traveling
of intimacy
of life
of reciprocity
of purpose
of soul mates
of rest
of intensity
of strong arms
of satisfaction
of completion
of truth
of respect
of acceptance
of understanding
of growing old together
of comfort.
I dream again
of the love that never fails.
