Wednesday, January 11, 2012

I Dream Again

Sunset @ Myrtle Beach by Shahmet Gordon

I posted a status on FaceBook last week that said the following:
"It just hit me ... I'm not angry anymore ... I'ma see if I can write on that ..."

When asked what I was angry about, I followed up with this:
"once I let it go, I realized I was on a low simmer for years ... some of it was directed outward toward someone who will remain nameless, worse some was directed toward myself ... holding it for so long was not productive & left me in a victim state rather than the victorious state which I am in now ..."

With  Estelle's latest song, "Thank You", playing as my background music, I was able to elaborate on my initial thought ... 

I Dream Again

I tried to build a reality,

a whole life,

on a false belief.

But my love cannot conquer all.

Some things can’t be seen while in the midst.

Like how I never knew the anxiety I lived with

until I provided myself with peace.

I didn’t realize how angry I was

until it vanished.

I dwelled within a box

determined not to repeat mistakes of the past.

Claiming that all was good

while I cried alone in the dark.

Holding no expectations

enforcing no boundaries

not trusting my own judgment.

No longer on slow simmer

burning myself with rage

I feel re-born.

I dream again.

Childhood’s fairytale of being taken care of

in the mansion on the hill with the tennis court,

pool and streams gliding through the premises,

morphed into teen-aged visions of independence and

getting rich at one of the “Big 10” firms,

which transformed to young adult sights of

children, nation building and saving the world.

Now, I dream again.

Grown woman dreams

of passion

of joy

of sharing

of choice

of desire

of dancing

of smiling

of laughing
of companionship

of traveling

of intimacy

of life

of reciprocity

of purpose

of soul mates

of rest

of intensity

of strong arms

of satisfaction

of completion

of truth
of respect

of acceptance

of understanding
of growing old together

of comfort.

I dream again

of the love that never fails.